I have read a complaint on the distaff end of the blogosphere that runs something like this: betas will insinuate themselves into the social orbit of a female that is out of his league. He doesn't actually take the step of declaring his intentions, so she has no opportunity to tell him "no" to a question he hasn't asked. This, it is said, is unpleasant for the female, who only wants to surround herself with alphas.
I have elsewhere commented that I don't have a lot of sympathy with this particular problem, but a male friend sent me an example of how alpha females handle the situation. It involves Facebook, but it can probably be adapted to real-life interactions.
Background: as I understand it, friend was himself approached by T, and they hung out for a week before she realized that, appearances to the contrary, friend was too hopelessly beta even for the quick fling she had in mind. Flash forward a dozen or so years. He's married; she's married. He looks her up on Facebook, and sends her the following message:
If you are the T I knew in [town where they both lived briefly]: hi! I see you are married now, so congratulations.
I've been rumaging around facebook trying to figure out which of the gaziillion [mutual friend's name] is the one from [town where they knew mutual friend]. I lost track of him back in '99.
I hope all is well.
I would appreciate reader feedback as to the plausibility of the have-you-heard-from-so-and-so pretext. But for the time being, let's assume that he's insinuating himself into her social orbit.
Here's the response he got:
How wonderful to hear from you! As soon as I saw your name I remembered exactly who you are! I pray that you're happy (by your photo, you look it) and doing well. Many good wishes and blessings to you and your beautiful wife. Take care and God bless,
Let's see if we can break down what makes this reply so effective in ensuring that he doesn't contact her again:
She doesn't answer the question. This implies, without saying so, that she isn't taken in by what she believes to be a pretext. It also shows she is unwilling to participate in the conversation she was offered.
She's polite. She's not out to make an enemy, but a friend-kept-at-a-safe-distance. Being polite shows she's not afraid, or threatened, or cornered, or intimidated: all marks of a true alpha female.
Her reply is conclusive. Read it carefully. There is no conceivable way back into the conversation for him. At least not without looking like a complete fool.
There are probably other elements that make this response so effective. Thoughts?
UPDATE: In the comments, Sabina identifies a fourth element:
She mentions his marital status. Twice. I missed the significance before, but not only does she make no acknowledgment of his question, she makes no acknowledgment of his offer of congratulations on her own marriage. It's now perfectly clear that she regards, or pretends to regard, his facebook message as an effort to start . . . something. She declines to be disarmed by his willingness to acknowledge up front that she is off the market, and instead subtly attempts to shame him by calling attention to his own marriage.