Warning: the following is a generalization. I am aware that there are exceptions. The usual rule applies: if it doesn’t describe you, then I’m not talking about you.
It is a commonplace that unattractive girls have the best personalities. It has even become a backhanded way of saying a girl is unattractive to call her “the girl with the great personality”. The explanation is usually some variant of the fact that unattractive girls must develop their personality in a pleasing way to socially survive. I agree with this: some of my closest female friends have been unattractive girls.
And yet, when I think about it, I can’t really complain about super-attractive, out-of-my-league girls either. While I would stop short of calling them “friends”, I can’t recall many instances of gratuitous cruelty, either. This may be a pretty low bar, but I’ll take kindness anywhere I can get it, and the fact is that I’ve always been treated better by really beautiful women than they could have gotten away with.
Most of the complaints I make about women are leveled at “average girls”, girls of moderate attractiveness that, physically speaking, I would put roughly within my own percentile. It is from these that I have suffered the worst behavior.
A few possibilities:
- I am mistaken in my generalization. It may be my perceptions are colored by higher expectations. (I can’t think of any other cognitive biases that may apply, however.)
- A charmed life begets a charming personality. Truly beautiful women, who Never Have Any Problems, view the world and its inhabitants as full of sweetness and light, and this is reflected in how they treat others.
- Social power begets social confidence. Spungen once put forward this hypothesis: women firmly in position at the top of the hierarchy, and secure in the knowledge that they can rely on others to deter and punish any betas that get uppity, can afford more social condescension.
- The middle is the most ambitious. Women of average attractiveness have sufficient social access to know where the top is and believe themselves capable of reaching it if they can only improve their peer group. Their social climbing inevitably involves snubbing anybody below their desired set.
- The “bad behaviors” are actually “shit tests”. Average women put me in their “potential” category and screen me for alpha qualities. I misread this behavior and otherwise fail. (I would be most surprised if this one is true.)
- I induce the behavior. Only around average women do I behave in a way that is, or is perceived to be, “showing interest”; thus, it is only here that I am the recipient of rejection behavior. (I would here protest that my generalization still applies even though I have been married for over 12 years. You can make of this what you will.)
These possibilities are not mutually exclusive. Thoughts?