Movies I hated:
Basic Instinct 2: If you want to see Sharon Stone at the top of her game, watch the original. Nothing about this sequel held my attention. The plot (assuming there was one) was too complex for me to follow. I couldn’t bring myself to care about the characters or their fates. And the sex . . . was there sex? Maybe I’m just getting old, but I couldn’t be bothered to finish.
Legend of the Guardians: What could be cooler than animated owls, right? Unfortunately, the writers’ creativity pretty much ground to a halt after "animated owls!” I didn’t finish this one either.
The Virginity Hit: Shaky-cam faux home movie about a couple of high school students who decide to lose their virginity to each other. When he finds out she cheated, he and his friends contrive to embarrass the young woman in some gross fashion I couldn’t stomach to watch long enough to learn.
A Complete History of My Sexual Failures: Looserish fellow sets out to document why his romantic relationships end badly (not explaining how fortunate he was to have had romantic relationships). He spends the first half of the movie being told by ex-girlfriends what a creep he is for even asking the question. I didn’t watch the second half.
Zombie Strippers: Some things, like socialism, work better in theory than in practice. Didn’t finish.
The Last Airbender: I had read in any number of places that M. Night’s powers were fading, but I hadn’t quite believed it until this dog of a fantasy film.
Salt: Okay, this wasn’t a half-bad action movie (except for the shamelessly patched-up ending), but the increasingly Matrix-level stunts conducted in complete earnestness strained my credulity past the breaking point. And sure, the action in Knight and Day wasn’t realistic either; the difference was that K&D didn’t take itself seriously.
Body of Lies: This movie about counter-terrorism covert operations was ruined by the filmmakers reach for moral ambiguity. Bull. The protagonist braves great personal danger to catch a murderous Muslim thug, and good for him. The fact that his boss is incompetent even by CIA standards (in contrast to the “good Muslim” chief of Jordanian intelligence) is a thin reed on which to hang his resignation.